'Twas the night before Christmas,
when all through the house,
Not a person was stirring,
not even my spouse;
The ornaments were hung
on the tree with great care,
In hope that no ferrets
would ever be there.
The ferrets were snoozing,
all snug in their beds,
But thoughts of wry mischief
danced in their heads.
My wife in her t-shirt
and I in my shorts,
Had just settled in
with a bottle of Port.
When out in the kitchen
there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed
to see what was the matter.
Away to the kitchen
I flew like a flash,
Tripped over the water bowl
into the trash...
Alone on the floor
in these cold and wet shorts,
I thought to myself,
"I'm too old for these sports,"
When whom did I spot?
Not that fellow named Claus--
But eight tiny demons
with thirty-two paws!
They scampered and scurried,
and scattered so quick,
I knew in a moment
they were up to their tricks.
More rapid than badgers,
they started this game,
And I whistled and shouted
and called them by name;
"Hey Shelby! Hey Chase!
Hey Jasper! Hey Scritch!"
"How'd they get out?" I thought,
"Son of a !#*&!"
They ran from the kitchen,
tore off down the hall,
Then climbed on the sofa
and bounced off the wall.
They vanished like elves - I thought,
"Where could they be?"
When I noticed a rustling
just under the tree.
The tree lights were blinking
as I turned around,
And up through the middle
went Chase with a bound!
I reached in my hand
as Chase climbed to the top,
While one by one,
I heard ornaments pop
In the center of the tree
Was my bad little girl,
And I thought to myself,
"She must be part squirrel"
I reached in again,
but I didn't get far,
And covered in tinsel,
Chase went for the star!
My arm became tangled
in the lights of the tree,
A hook from an ornament
got caught on my knee!
I tripped on a present,
and I started to fall,
And to the ferrets below,
I yelled, "Dash away all!"
I was trapped in the lights,
to the tree I was bound,
And the lights shorted out
as we fell to the ground...
I lay in the tree,
which I wore like a wreath;
Chase sat on my chest,
with the star in her teeth!
With a twinkle in her eye,
she looked like an elf,
And I laughed when I saw her,
in spite of myself.
The ferrets gathered 'round,
and gave me big kisses,
To warn me that I
had awakened the missus.
I untangled myself,
and I put them to bed
Then I noticed my wife,
who was shaking her head.
And laying a finger
upside of my nose,
I gave her a nod,
said, "You don't want to know."
But I heard her exclaim
as she turned off the light...
("...What the hell was that all about, huh?")
Happy Christmas to all,
and to all a good night!
------------------
Merry Christmas from:
Wild Thing, Stewie, Roscoe, Scooter, Felix, Blue, White, Blackie, Roary, and Yvonne
In Memory of Chase